About 7 years ago during my brief stay in Gurnee, Illinois where I moved for a job I went through a very bad time. One night I laid in bed with tears in my eyes and wrote a prayer for myself – a mantra if you will – that I told myself I had to read every day when I woke up whether I believed it or not, felt up to it or not. Over the years the mantra has been tweaked a little to reflect what I need to speak into my life at the time, but I still attempt to say it in the mornings to this day. Before I even get out of bed I recite the words out loud. I wrote about this on Facebook once but one line says “ I pray to find the beauty in my trials and tribulations.” I have been saying this for years but in all actuality I really have not been practicing this – like at all. For this many years I have been saying these words and not truly listening to them, meditating on them and putting it into practice in the throes of everyday life and hardships. But as of the last week or so, I have been trying to change that.
“So, what are you doing? What of your boyfriend? I thought that since you have gotten your degrees and at the age you are you would be planning for marriage. Aren’t you lonely?” This is verbatim the conversation I had with my uncle two weeks ago. At 6:45 AM on my 29th birthday this is what I was listening to as I scrambled around trying to get ready for work. I politely replied “when God sees fit for me to be married I will be.”