The Clothes I Started Wearing When I Stopped Caring

For the past 29 years I have been in this body, and for about 20 or so of those years I have been self conscious. Just like any human I continue to struggle, but at some point my mind shifted and I started down a path of self love. But it wasn’t before many years of comparing myself (which I still do), tears, and load of fad diets that didn’t work.

You don’t grow up knowing that your mother has to shop in the Husky section for your school uniforms and that not take some type of toll on you. And can I just take a moment to discuss the previous sentence quickly? Who was the genius who thought that a seven year old girl or boy that is a little heavier than the average child needs their clothing section called huskies? Not sure what term is used today but that right there is enough to make you have a complex but I digress.

For many years, especially throughout high school I spent many blazing St. Louis summers in jeans. Everybody knows the feeling of sweating in jeans, its just sick and unusual punishment. But you weren’t going to catch Patience in a pair of shorts. As the years went on I started restricting myself more. Tank tops needed to have a jacket over them, pants came to at least my knees and I eventually went years without going swimming because swimsuit shopping was a nightmare. Although my dressing habits were uncomfortable, I became accustomed to it no matter how unorthodox it was.

It wasn’t until I was introduced into the Plus Size Fashion and Body Positivity world that my mindset really started to change. I never thought of myself as fashionable but slowly with time I stopped claiming that. I don’t rock anything that is earth shaking but I think that the style and the choices that I have learned to make in regards to fashion make me feel good. For me that makes me fashionable on my own terms. The last four years especially have been when I have taken the most risks. Now I have a bunch of problem areas and things that I would rather not put on display and there is nothing wrong with that. However taking risks has liberated me in some ways.

Shorts

Whoo. Oh the memories. Now let me tell you ya girl has always had some legs on her, thighs for days. I’ve honestly (not to toot my own horn) have always gotten compliments on my legs. I love my legs and although they have a little more…character n I will say…on them now, they are a feature I don’t mind showing. I never liked shorts though, they made me super self conscious with having to always pull them down. I distinctly remember being on a family trip to Disney World in the 7^th grade. The pair of shorts were loose fitting so they would conveniently ride up annoyingly every two minutes. But a comment was made that if I had to keep pulling my shorts down, I shouldn’t wear them.

Being where I was mentally I didn’t take that moment in as “oh I’m sure a lot of people have that problem with shorts, it’s not just me” but I took that in as it was in fact me and I shouldn’t wear shorts because I was too big. I didn’t wear them much after that time, only on occasion. In 2015 when I started seeing bloggers that look like me rocking the mess out of shorts and looking amazing in them. So I bought a pair of boyfriend cut distressed shorts. They weren’t too short or too tight. But they gave me the confidence to step out of my comfort zone. Ever since then the shorts have gotten a little shorter and just that much more comfortable.

Crop Tops

I had no clue that a big girl wearing a shirt that showed any type of skin was a thing. You mean to tell me I don’t have to cover every inch of skin that might make people feel uncomfortable if I don’t want to? Huh…interesting. Now I have not ventured into the world of full cut crop tops BUT a sheer top with a bralette is my jam. Again 2015 was the first time I tried this and for me it was everything. Personally exposing my entire tummy is not what I’m into. There are beautiful women that can rock it. I am all about personal preference and doing what is comfortable to you. But a sheer shirt gives me the coverage I need to be comfortable while the bralette lets you see the peak of skin that I have grown to love. Another great way that is comfortable for me when I want to be a little extra is a top with a side or back slit. Paired with high waited jeans I am able to show the features that I like best without feeling like I’m exposing too much.

Swimsuits

I grew up a water baby. I was in every swim class and stayed at the community pool with my older cousins. But as I got older and having the insecurities I did I wasn’t trying to be in a swimsuit next to my friends who to me all had perfect bodies. And my friends didn’t make me feel that way at all, it was me. You know the meme “I wish I was as fat as I was when I first thought I was fat because I wasn’t then and now I actually am” lol. I’m sure I got that completely wrong but it’s something like that. Well in high school I felt huge and I was certainly the largest in my friend group. I wasn’t able to wear the bikinis like them, and who wanted to wear a one piece in high school, that was lame. So going into young adulthood I just avoided the situation completely. I bought swimsuits over the years, never wore them. They would just sit in the drawer until eventually they were too small. 

It wasn’t until last March when I had a trip planned to Miami that I said I was getting a bomb swimsuit with a cover up to match that would make me feel amazing. At first try on you could not tell me ANYTHING. Like literally nothing about me in that swimsuit and cover up could be said to bring me down. Someone would have tried but would have failed. So I went boldly and frolicked on the beaches of Miami. And after walking the beaches of Miami in a swimsuit feeling as amazing as I did, I’m honestly looking forward to this swim season that is approaching. I missed the water and the beautiful tan that comes with it. This year I will be trying my hand at a two piece when I take my first cruise to the Bahamas in November. We will see if that makes it here to the blog lol.

It’s about being comfortable and wearing things that not only flatter me but make me feel good. Do other people think it’s flattering? Some may, a lot don’t I’m sure. The key to fashion is realizing that I don’t have to punish myself for being in this body. This goes for anyone big, small or in between. I deserve to feel beautiful, sexy and comfortable and so do you! I am a woman, a human being. And darn it if it’s 100 degrees outside I need to be in somebody’s pool!