Thick Women Are More Loyal

When it comes to dating, there is a stigma that comes along with being plus size: Bigger women only have a limited amount of options when it comes to men therefore they will settle for whatever is handed to them. Whether, you agree with the statement or not, it is something that can be seen in many displays of plus size women in movies and shows. You see the big girl vying over the love of the man that is painted as being “out of her league” and doing anything to get or to keep him. Although this display in the media is prevalent this isn’t really my reality. I have family members and friends that are of size and have never had to chase a man. I myself have been even slightly bigger than I am now yet I have not lacked catching the eye of eligible men. I would be naïve to believe that I would be on everyone’s list, just as not every guy is on mine and that is just a part of having a choice and preference. But when did your outward appearance ever determine the qualities you possess as a person?

This takes me to date that I went on a while back. I met this guy on a night out with some family. He approached me as I was looking for seating and immediately grabbed my left hand checking for a ring. Honestly it was the first time I had been ring checked in my adult life, but this is definitely a part of my protocol when I see someone of interest to me. Anyway, he introduced himself; we conversed the entire night and exchanged numbers. We talked for about a little over a week when he asked to take me out for dinner.

Let me preface this by saying that I was already a little skeptical of this guy. I won’t air the details of his baggage but let’s just say he had one too many bags than I am typically willing to help carry, but he was upfront and seemed genuine so I decided to at least take the date to learn more information. The day came, and I arrived at our agreed time, and that was the beginning of the end for this date. He arrived late, which is an ultimate strike in my book, but I was there and agreed to stay after his apology. We were seated, skimmed our menus and ordered. We started with the pleasantries, asking about each others’ day and started getting more into the details of our lives that we hadn’t covered through the week of talking.

All was fine until we started the inevitable conversation about what we look for in relationships. This conversation is extremely important when it comes to getting to know someone especially if you are in the season of intentional dating. This is really where you see if that initial spark was just that or if it could be more. It is important to know if you and the person are connecting mentally and spiritually. Physical attraction in some way is important as well. As cliché as it is, beauty is in the eye of the beholder but we all have certain things that are most pleasing to us when it comes to physicality.

If I am being truly honest I do like to know if they have ever dated a bigger woman before. This is something that I have always inquired about a guy. In my head I always wanted to know if they have ever dated a bigger woman or are attracted to bigger women. I think subconsciously if he never has, sometimes wonder what they want with me, what was it about me that they found attractive. I am training my mind to change this way of thinking. It just not healthy and it simply just does not matter, but its still part of the journey I am working on. I know I have so much to offer someone that my looks are only extra and a person will let you know if they are attracted to you. Besides of all the things that I have been self conscious about over the years, my face has never been one of them.

So back to the date – after getting through the deeper questions I go on to ask what attracts him physically to a woman. He proceeds to name the physical attributes that he likes, finishing his list with his preference for bigger women, which was fine until the next statement was made. “I like dating thicker women because they are more loyal.” It came out so nonchalantly as if it would naturally make sense to me. This really caught me off guard but I had to know more. Most of the guys that I have dated have indeed dated plus size women before, but it was not due to preference of bigger women but just the person that they found attractive. I had never had someone tell me specifically that they prefer dating “thicker” women as he put it, but what was odd to me was the correlation between being thick and being loyal. “What do you mean?” I immediately asked because I needed the background on this. I sat as he told me that bigger women are just more loyal period. They will cook for and take care of their man, stand by his side and won’t give up as easily as smaller women.

Come again sir? Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion but this one I just couldn’t get with. There are small and big women that will do the same things. It’s truly the woman’s character which makes her loyal, and she decides how far that loyalty will be extended. I told him that it very well may have been the women that were loyal to him in the past just happened to be bigger; to make such a blanket statement was just unfair. But he was adamant that it was because they were big. Many of the smaller women that he dated, according to him, did not possess the qualities that the bigger women had. I calmly proceeded to my debate my position in the matter. What I gathered from what he indirectly told me was that these women put up with the B.S. he fed them. To sum up that date, I agreed to disagree with his illogical thought process. The encounter only got worse as he decided it was smart to answer his phone multiple times. Needless to say that was the first and last date

Although he was clearly just an man with an immature way of viewing things his statement had me thinking. How many people date off stereotypes such as this? I am not dumb, I know that there are people would agree with this guy, but would you truly date based on the preface that someone with a certain body type or physical features would put up with being treated less than? And if so, what does that say about you that you truly say about you and your insecurities? I also wondered if there were people from my past that felt this way about me. I am a loyal person, loyal to a fault sometimes. I always have been. However if a situation is no longer beneficial to my growth I am learning more each year how to remove those it from my life. At the end of the day who we are outwardly should only shine a light brighter on who we are internally. Let’s start a discussion. Have you ever had a stereotype that was directed towards you that was completely false or ill advised?