Self Care September: A+B=C

I was unsure what I wanted to focus on or write about but it came to me as I was getting into bed last week. I have a few things that I want to incorporate into Self Care September that are honestly going to flow into October because well…life. This week however what came to me is very much relevant and some things that I have been working on for the past few weeks.

So here I was climbing into bed and I got it. As I sat there reflecting over the last couple months acceptance and boundaries have been works of progression for me. I realized what I am working on is really leading me to a different mindset. And there it was: A+B=C or Acceptance+Boundaries=Change. Like I said previously my focus is mainly on mental health and these two words have cause issues through the years. I want to examine how to do the work in those two areas to help strengthen my mind and change my outlook.

Acceptance

When it comes to relationships in my life whether familial, romantic, or friendships it is always hard for me to accept where the relationship might stand. This has caused much stress and deep anxiety in my life. As with anyone, I have gained and lost friendships. Some relationships are just not where I would want them to be or what they used to be. I am realizing more than ever now that I have to approach these growing pains differently than I would have in the past. Often times I would obsess over the reasons why the relationship or friendship was not the same as it used to for long periods of time, years even. I understand now that I will be more at peace if I, like the quote says, “accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.”

I read an amazing article that has given a great insight into how acceptance works mentally. I definitely recommend reading the article but the what I related to the most was:

1. Acceptance must be practiced – You don’t just decide to accept certain things in your life and simply move on from it. It’s not always that easy but if you make it an active process you will continue to grow in your journey.
2. You don’t have to like it or agree with it to accept it – This is SO huge. I know the biggest hurdle that I have with accepting where a relationship might be is the fact that I don’t like it very much. I am so resistant to change and this has hindered me. Putting up such a fight against accepting where a relationship stands is exhausting. Letting things be what they are, although not favorable, works to release that energy of resistance.
3. Acceptance doesn’t mean that things will forever be how they are – Situations are forever evolving. The way our lives are now aren’t how they were five years ago and will be different in another five years. Accepting a situation for what it currently is only gives you the freedom to clear your mind of the mental space that it takes up in the present.

Boundaries

Boundaries in relationships and friendships are so important to your mental health. Much like acceptance, I have not had the best time establishing them within my own relationships. I have hit quite a few walls in order to realize that I have to start to set them into place in order to have balance in my life.

I am deciding to place certain limitations within my relationships that will ultimately honor my own feelings and emotions. Speaking for myself, not having boundaries within my friendships, relationships with my parents, and interactions with love interests has drained me many times. Building upon accepting the status of the relationships in my life, I think boundaries will come naturally. With embracing acceptance, I won’t be so consumed with uncontrollable situations and set boundaries that are healthy and manageable.

Setting boundaries for how you would like your relationships to run is not about being controlling or mean in my opinion. It really has much more with controlling your emotional being than anything to do with other people. You can’t control what other people do or how they behave but you can control how you respond and boundaries are a safe guard for that.

With taking the time to accept my personal relationships and building boundaries around how I want to operate, I feel this will ultimately lead to major change. Change in the way I view my relationships and how they effect my esteem. I’m looking forward to doing the work necessary to free my mind to live more peacefully in this area of my life.

Do you resonate with this post? Have you set healthy boundaries within your relationships? Is acceptance something you have ever struggled with? Let me know down below!